What a late late late night! Im so sleepy, but it was soooooo worth it, thanks for the ear candy, and thanks for listening!!

FINALLY

ahhhhhhh those things you whisper in my ear when you are so close, the way you throw me up against the wall and kiss me like you dont want to be anywhere else, the way you smell the way you taste, its been a long time since I've been in a whirlwind that keeps me grinning like a school girl.

so after posting a quickie after over a year -- i re-read what i had already posted from way back then.....woweeeee -- same old shit going on with several more twists.....nothing has changed with the other half -- if anything its gotten worse. we certainly have grown apart -- she is all i think about all of the time....but i cant get us back. its official. its not gonna happen -- so i find myself trying to do the right things at home and be a responsible partner -- but that spark -- ahhhh that spark that would make me dizzy and confused and excited -- yep that mother fucker went out. black as night now........anyway just thought i would post an update since the gap. but yes this new little excitement in my life is just what i need to be me -- haha let me be cliche and say I NEED TO FIND ME AGAIN -- haha any fucking way -- im a little excited about my new adventure. sad about the direction of my true love though..........

today is interesting......although stressed completely the fuck out at home, more than I ever imagined possible -- what do I get -- I get the text. The one I'd been hoping and waiting for, the one that made me quiver, giggle, and smile for the first time in a very long time!

So after i signed off a second ago, i read a few of the other blogs that i thought looked like my kinda thing, and realized that im just being a crying ass bitch, so maybe i wont use this as a venting post, maybe i will, just not sure, i am happier now that i ever have been, wonder why i cant be satisfied? i try to stay upbeat most of the time, so i really dont want to just seem miserable on my new little blog, so my goals

be healthier, stop smoking, start exercising (YUCK) be successful and a little more powerful (her attractions, which i am capable of, just lazy)

and more upbeat on my blog, life and times of the 30 something lesbian with kids from a previous marriage to a worthless man, just trying to make things work these days with a sexy ass cop who stole my heart!

With all that being said, just be forewarned, i will probably still bitch, cant help it, i think it is in my nature!

temporary feeling of sanity

so i was ill as hell last week and carrying on about stuff -- and i did get a temporary break from reality -- when my girl saw the error of her ways and handled business! So my mind was cleared and I was at peace again with myself and the world, for a day or so. Work has been crazy, life has been busy, I will try to keep up the posts. Even if no one else ends up reading it, and i will be ok with that by the way. May even prefer it that way. Kind of like the venting posts. What will most likely be the case is I will see how long I can actually type these daily rants with no one seeing it, HA then maybe "someone" will have a really long read when they run across it.

i digressed, back to my sanity/insanity

its funny how something or someone saying or doing one thing or another can set you at ease. its funny how that same thing can make you crazy. i get so caught up in the day to day sometimes that i have to take time to stop and think about the small things. but i think its the small things that when i actually stop to think about them, i end up turning into something huge. i will constantly be trying to not make them a big deal, but if it feels like a big deal, what do you do with that?

making mountains out of mole hills

that is what i do i think, but the mole hills seem pretty fucking big right about now
big ass moles i guess

so during my sanity for a few days i was promised one other thing..........that has not happened yet.........

im waiting

hoping i will not go crazy when it doesnt happen

we'll see