So after i signed off a second ago, i read a few of the other blogs that i thought looked like my kinda thing, and realized that im just being a crying ass bitch, so maybe i wont use this as a venting post, maybe i will, just not sure, i am happier now that i ever have been, wonder why i cant be satisfied? i try to stay upbeat most of the time, so i really dont want to just seem miserable on my new little blog, so my goals

be healthier, stop smoking, start exercising (YUCK) be successful and a little more powerful (her attractions, which i am capable of, just lazy)

and more upbeat on my blog, life and times of the 30 something lesbian with kids from a previous marriage to a worthless man, just trying to make things work these days with a sexy ass cop who stole my heart!

With all that being said, just be forewarned, i will probably still bitch, cant help it, i think it is in my nature!

temporary feeling of sanity

so i was ill as hell last week and carrying on about stuff -- and i did get a temporary break from reality -- when my girl saw the error of her ways and handled business! So my mind was cleared and I was at peace again with myself and the world, for a day or so. Work has been crazy, life has been busy, I will try to keep up the posts. Even if no one else ends up reading it, and i will be ok with that by the way. May even prefer it that way. Kind of like the venting posts. What will most likely be the case is I will see how long I can actually type these daily rants with no one seeing it, HA then maybe "someone" will have a really long read when they run across it.

i digressed, back to my sanity/insanity

its funny how something or someone saying or doing one thing or another can set you at ease. its funny how that same thing can make you crazy. i get so caught up in the day to day sometimes that i have to take time to stop and think about the small things. but i think its the small things that when i actually stop to think about them, i end up turning into something huge. i will constantly be trying to not make them a big deal, but if it feels like a big deal, what do you do with that?

making mountains out of mole hills

that is what i do i think, but the mole hills seem pretty fucking big right about now
big ass moles i guess

so during my sanity for a few days i was promised one other thing..........that has not happened yet.........

im waiting

hoping i will not go crazy when it doesnt happen

we'll see

just another day

So, I started this blog a few days ago and havent really been able to get back on here since. today, Im kinda wacked -- i think im going crazy over stupid shit -- shit i really shouldnt be freaking out about and have chosen not to say anything to the other half at all about it. every time i try to bring it up -- i cannot make my point. She freaks out and thinks Im over reacting -- which very well may be the case. The past few days have been busy working long hours and passing each other just long enough to wave bye. But now here we go, I have a few days off and we will see how it goes. Her passion is gone. For almost everything. I thought. I dont know how to fix it. I dont know how to explain it to her without her immediately going to something that it is not. and maybe, just maybe, its all just me. so i think i will choose not to say anything at all -- keep pretending that all is ok, and see what happens. I'll try to get back on later.

On a more positive note, Im really digging this new Bi chick, Patrice Pike........she is pretty hot on the guitar -- so i think i'll sign off of here for now and stalk some of her pix!! :)

good god

well tonight had potential to be great -- and the earlier part was ok -- then same ole same ole shit...............in the bed early -- both of us..........and we crashed. just not sure what all is going on here -- but this is really starting to suck. I have thought a lot about starting a blog -- and here goes the attempt -- just a venting post i guess -- and maybe -- just maybe -- someone will happen upon it -- its ok if they do really -- but testing the waters for a while -- before i really start letting the emotions out -- keeping it fairly simple and clean -- but there is supposed to be a caution when logging in to mine.........cause i will rarely keep the language clean, because i dont like too! this is my space and i can say FUCK if i want to!! and after getting in the bed, then getting back up frustrated -- i will say good night and FUCK IT

Just starting this.....

well for starters -- that picture I posted looks nothing like me, I just like it -- I almost never capitalize words that need to be -- because Im lazy -- and probably dont punctuate like I should -- again cause im lazy -- so dont judge me -- that is just how it is.

im already frustated setting this all up -- and im trying to set up two different blogs......one for anyone and another just for me -- i think -- maybe -- well who knows how it will all end up!